Motherhood

Working vs. Staying Home: Neither Mother Ever “Clocks Out”

Yesterday, this blog post was all over my facebook, all about stay-at-home moms and what they “actually do all day.” The responses were very polar. The mothers who stay at home were all “yeah! I love this! Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work!” and the working moms were “well, I do a lot, too.”

Both sides are very right. I am not usually one to so openly partake in the stay-at-home moms vs. working moms discussion, but I felt compelled to write about it as I am in the thick of one extreme.

Now, I may have an interesting perspective on this simply because I am a working mother approximately eight months out of the year and I am a stay-at-home mom the other four-ish. Being a teacher lends itself to that. However, I identify more with the working mother side of things simply because during the school year I work so very much. Being a high school theatre teacher and director doesn’t mean I work a typical 9-5, and I wear so many different hats throughout the work day.

The article really got me thinking about how I would compare the two because I’ve lived both of these typical days in the span of just the last few months. I thought, “Well, yes, stay-at-home moms do have hard jobs! I did that the entire summer!” and then I also thought “Am I not as valuable because I’m not in the home eight months out of the year?”

And then I am sitting here thinking about what I physically do at each “job” and what a day in the life is like in both scenarios for me.

A TYPICAL WORK DAY FOR ME ENTAILS:

Getting up around 6:00 a.m. to get ready
Out the door by 6:45
Teach six theatre classes with a measly thirty minute lunch break somewhere in there
Leave school to pick up Kennedy from her mother’s day out program
Arrive home and put Kennedy (who has now fallen asleep in the car) in her crib for a nap, change clothes real fast, grab a drink of water and a small snack
Drive back to my school
Direct play rehearsal with a whole different set of kids from 3:15-5:30ish (and later when we get close to opening night)
Head home and perhaps be home around 6:00
Eat dinner (lately it’s been Greg who’s cooking that), feed Kennedy
Give Kennedy a bath
Put Kennedy to bed
Pack Kennedy’s lunch for the next day
Pack my stuff for the next day
Get on my computer and blog if I’m not wiped out
Watch TV, hang out with Greg (and sometimes not see him at all because he’s got work to finish)
Lay out the next day’s outfit
Take a shower and get ready for bed

Kennedy at RehearsalKennedy at rehearsal with me in January. Last school year I actually brought her to rehearsal with me a few days out of the week!

A TYPICAL SUMMER ENTAILS:

Wake up between 7:00-8:00
Feed Kennedy breakfast (or some days Greg will get up with her and feed her and I sleep in a little bit)
Let her play a little bit while the TV is on while I put some clothes on
Go to the gym, I work out while she plays in the kid area
Come home, eat lunch
Nap time
During nap time, I’ll either blog, watch TV, or nap myself
Play more, maybe run a few errands or do some grocery shopping
Try to clean something up or do some laundry
Walk to the mailbox
Play more
Cook dinner
Feed Kennedy
Give Kennedy a bath
Put Kennedy to bed
Go for a run (if I didn’t go to the gym)
Watch TV / blog / hang out with Greg
Take a shower and get ready for bed
Watch more TV / blog more

IMG_6615One of our days home this past summer

Yes, it appears that being at home is way easier. However, I will not downplay the fact that staying at home does have its unique set of challenges and I have an immense amount of respect for moms who stay home. My child is also a very easy going child without any special needs and not very high maintenance. Not to mention, I only have one child. I know a whole new set of challenges appear when multiple children are in the mix, and I know for a fact it would be much more challenging. But, as it stands, I love being at home and I find it much more easier to do. It’s been very hard on me when school starts up again because I know how much I’ve enjoyed my time with Kennedy and how difficult the school year will be.

I see articles like the aforementioned one and I get upset because I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom twelve months out of the year. I get upset because it makes me feel guilty for not being there for my daughter those eight months. Yesterday I spent a total of two and a half hours with Kennedy. How in the world am I supposed to be proud of that? I know she is having so much fun at her “school”, I am grateful she has a short day away from the home (8:30-2:15), and I am eternally grateful for my husband who is able to work out of the home many days. He picks up so much of the slack, especially when I get close to opening night. But being away is hard on my family, and gives me a lot of guilt. Making lists like the one above furthers this guilt.

I haven’t met many mothers who have stayed home that think they have it worse off than working mothers. I haven’t met many who wish they were working mothers, aside from wanting adult interaction. Most love their jobs of staying at home, even if it is hard work. Of course there are always exceptions. I get the feeling that stay-at-home moms feel like they need to justify what they do to the public to make them feel more valued, when they shouldn’t have to. No mother should have to justify what she does for the good of her family. All this does is bring about yet another mommy war, except this time it’s about who’s working the hardest.

Bottom line, we should not compare being a mother as equivalent of working forty hours a week in the work force. They’re just not the same. Even though I basically just did compare the two, I have to throw my lists of comparisons out the window because it will only make me bitter to those who get to stay home. And it will make the stay-at-home mom think that I look down on them because I may think their day to day activities are “easier” than mine.

Being a mother is so much more than a job, whether it’s in the home or away. Should stay-at-home moms be put on a pedestal? Yes, but so should working mothers. All mothers should be put on a pedestal. (Edited to add: Actually, all parents should be put on a pedestal. I have no idea what I would do if Greg wasn’t around to do what he does as Kennedy’s daddy. He is amazing.) Each mother has her own set of challenges. Each mother has to make decisions for the good of her family. Each mother works hard at something. Each mother has to parent their children, whether it is for two or twelve hours a day. Most importantly, each mother doesn’t ever “clock out” of their role as mom.

48 Comments

  • Reply
    Lisette
    October 11, 2013 at 7:19 am

    Well said Meg. I’m not a mom but I TOTALLY understand you. My mom was a SAHM for years and also worked the other years. Each time it was different for me, but she always worked hard. People need to stop putting down women who stay at home (like me). I mean, why??

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 7:39 am

      Thank you, Lisette! I appreciate that. All moms work hard. We shouldn’t try and compete with each other! And you definitely work hard, too! 🙂

  • Reply
    Anne
    October 11, 2013 at 7:20 am

    What bothers me the most about the stay at home parent vs. working parent is the judgment people inflict on each other. I think we do it (esp. women), because we feel defensive of our choices – and are a little jealous of the other side, as well. We’re all parents. We make the choices that are best for our families. Let’s appreciate individual societal contributions, and share cute pictures of our babies. Also, stay at home dads should be put on pedestals, too. I know – I have a super hot one at home.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 7:48 am

      You are definitely right! Women feel like they always have to defend their choices as moms and justify what they are doing. And we shouldn’t have to.

      And yes, you do have a very interesting perspective on this as well because how John stays at home. I think it’s amazing that the both of you make sacrifices, but he is a rockstar!!!

  • Reply
    Maura
    October 11, 2013 at 7:48 am

    Great post Meg. I am not a mom but i know from family members and coworkers how difficult the decisions are. My mom was stay at home until we all reached school age and she’s told me how hard it was in some situations to really feel “justified” in what she did but I have coworkers who struggle with working late because they feel guilty to leave their child and struggle with not working late because they feel guilty leaving work. there is no right answer. Every family is different and what’s right for every family is different. i mean all parents should be put on pedestals!

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 9:04 am

      Thank you so much, Maura! (By the way, it’s been way too long. MISS YOU!) You are so right – there really is NO right answer. Every way of life is a struggle and everyone makes sacrifices no matter what. I agree – dads deserve to be put on a pedestal, too! I know Greg does SO MUCH to pick up the slack and is such an important component in parenting Kennedy. Without him, I seriously have no idea what I would do.

  • Reply
    KatyM.
    October 11, 2013 at 8:12 am

    I think people just need to calm the [bleep] down. I’m a working momma, my husband is a stay-at-home dad (we both have our own start-up businesses as well). Sometimes we wish we could switch each other and sometimes we are happy to have the situation we do. I think people are trying to validate their lives to other people too much, instead of living in the moment.

    I work hard. So do you. And so does everyone else. Do we really need to constantly be in comparison of each other? Can’t we just support and love each and every parent, non-parent and kiddo and acknowledge that we all do it differently? Different is wonderful!

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 9:10 am

      AMEN!!! Different is DEFINITELY wonderful. Thank you so much for your comment. I mean, I am totally guilty of trying to validate what I do because I do feel guilty a lot being away from the home. I get bitter and jealous of women who are staying home all of the time. I hate feeling like that. I want to throw those feelings out the window and know that I am doing the best I can and if I get to stay home some day, then that would be great!!!

  • Reply
    amy
    October 11, 2013 at 8:18 am

    What a great honest post. I went over and read his post too. It was really well written – and I really think you nailed it on the head that all parents should be put on pedestals. It’s not easy for the father to be working all day either.

    The part that stuck out for me in his post was, “In other words, we’ve idolized “being busy,” and confused it with being “important.””

    I think we just need to all stop competing and acknowledge that we’re all doing the best we can do at life. Whether you’re a parent, single, married, whatever. We all need to stop racing each other, comparing, competing.

    I don’t know what our situation will look like when we have kids, but no matter what, I know there will be judgment… which is sad.

    Props to you Meg! You’re doing an amazing job as a mother – whether it be in November or July. Always!

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 9:07 am

      Thank you so much, Amy! I really appreciate your comment. Believe me, I feel there are some days when I am doing the crappiest job ever at work and at home with my family. It really sucks. But you’re right – every parent is doing the best they can do to make ends meet and parent their children. I know you are going to be an awesome mama some day!!! 🙂

  • Reply
    Sarah E
    October 11, 2013 at 8:24 am

    I’ve been a SAHM until recently – now both kids are in school, so I’m kind of just a stay at home person. LOL. I’m actually doing another round of college to be able to have a career, so I’m not just lazing around or what not. Anywhoooo…I have a crazy amount of respect for working moms. Y’all are beasts (in a good way). You work work work and then you come home and you’re doing all the stuff that a SAHM does but crammed into a very short amount of time.

    Also I don’t think that kids of working moms ever think less or love their mom less than they would if they were a sahm. My mom was a working mom and again…I have so much respect for her. She worked her tail off, but still made time for us. I don’t ever remember thinking that my mom was absent because she worked. The time she had off (she worked in the school system too), she made it count and I never felt unloved.

    Enough rambling now – Working moms – GET IT GIRLS! You all are inspirations 🙂

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 9:02 am

      Girl, I think it’s great you’re going back to school and trying to better yourself! That’s amazing!

      Thank you so much for the encouragement. I think SAHMs deserve a ton of respect but so does every other mom. Even dads! Greg does so much to help and he doesn’t get a lot of credit! My mom worked a lot when we were little, but she was always there for us and I don’t ever remember feeling like she was absent.

  • Reply
    Breanne
    October 11, 2013 at 8:33 am

    Meg you can’t really compare you day at home during the summer with your day when you are working bc you are on vacation. So you have more of a relaxed state of mind. I think if you were a full time stay at home mom, with your personality you would have a such a busy day. Any who, I agree with you in the end no role is easy we are all doing the best we can.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 8:41 am

      That was the whole point of the post…. it’s really hard to compare the two. They’re completely different roles of mothering. Those comparisons just make me feel guilty and bitter. I wouldn’t necessarily call my summer a “vacation” although I do agree I would probably fill my schedule up a ton if I were a SAHM full-time. But I’m glad that you agree with me because we all have to parent our children no matter what! I have a ton of respect for women like you who get to stay home and take that role on of the SAHM, and I wish I could do it as well. Maybe in the future!

  • Reply
    Katie
    October 11, 2013 at 8:35 am

    You’re 100% right. I don’t know why women who get the privilege of staying home with their children feel the need to justify that choice. I know that I will not have that choice myself, and I’m almost preemptively jealous of them. It’s invaluable what they are doing for their children and families. But you’re right– it’s not a “real” job and shouldn’t be compared to one.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 8:48 am

      Yes, both roles are invaluable but it’s so hard to compare the two. I think we definitely should lift each other up as women and not have to justify any decisions!

  • Reply
    Candace
    October 11, 2013 at 8:40 am

    I saw that blog post floating around yesterday too, I even shared it. I think whether you work or stay at home both roles present their own challenges. I have friends that do both too and I admire them either way. Parenting is important no matter how you do it. It doesn’t matter if it is from home or from work we are always giving our children our best. We are all still mom.

    I knew your post today would be good:)

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 11:18 am

      Aww thank you! I appreciate it 🙂

      You said it well – “we are always giving our children our best.” Love that!

  • Reply
    Rhonda Christian
    October 11, 2013 at 9:12 am

    I have done both, and both are truly so difficult. For me, working outside of the home is more taxing, physically and emotionally. When I clock out for the day, an entire new day begins. My evenings are so stressful, trying to pack in quality time with my three kids AND maintain the house until the weekend. Then the weekend is spent running errands and doing some thorough cleaning. Somewhere in all that, I squeeze in time to work out and cook 6-7 hot, healthy meals.

    Oh – and I go to school full-time and run a business as well. and blog.

    I am pregnant with my fourth and HOPE to be able to stay home in April when he or she comes. It’s certainly my preference to be there when my older kids get off the bus and not have them spend 10 hours away from home every day.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 11:20 am

      Thank you so much for your comment! I can definitely relate to what you’re saying about clocking out for one day and a new day beginning. How in the WORLD do you do it with THREE kids?! You are most definitely super mom in my eyes!

      I hope you get to stay home when #4 comes, too! You deserve it 🙂

  • Reply
    Megan
    October 11, 2013 at 9:32 am

    I know exactly what you speak of. I was a teacher, but now that I have 3 who are not of school age teaching does not add income. I just wanted to say that the guilt and missing your daughter is healthy and makes you a good mom. You should miss her! It always breaks my heart a little when parents are indifferent about the amount of time spent with their children. Not eat yourself up, cry yourself to bed at guilt, but enough to always remember the value our children add & when we have the time to commit our attention to them, we do so with all our heart.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 11:25 am

      Haha, seriously. A teacher’s salary would be eaten up just by childcare!

      And thank you for your comment. It’s really reaffirming to hear my guilt means a good thing sometimes 🙂

  • Reply
    Jess Beer
    October 11, 2013 at 9:41 am

    I love this so much. All parents are faced with conflict in their decisions, and each one does the best for their own family. As a working mom, I have so much respect for SAHMs, but I don’t think I could be one – I am one of the rare ones that I think would always need to work at least part-time, for myself. I love having a job I feel valued in, but I also love my little girl. It’s not an easy balance.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 10:11 am

      Thank you so much for your comment! You are doing an awesome job, too, mama!! I find it awesome that you feel like you need to work. Feeling valued in a job really is important to women, too! But you said it right – not an easy balance.

  • Reply
    Katie
    October 11, 2013 at 9:49 am

    I think a lot of people missed on of the main points of his post, how incredibly rude it is to ask a SAHP what they do all day. No one asks you to justify what you do with every hour of your day (even though you did). You say teacher & they move on. With me that doesn’t happen, they ask what I do all day, or how nice it must be to get to sit around all day and do nothing. I don’t need to justify what I do with my day here or anywhere else, I know, my family knows and that’s all that matters, that’s all that should matter for any family.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 10:02 am

      Oh no, I definitely agreed with that aspect of the post because no mother, regardless of whether they work or stay home, needs to justify what they do. That’s kind of the whole point of my post, too. The whole part of the article asking “what do you do all day?” really got me to think about what I actually do in both of those days (although OF COURSE those lists are flawed). I wrote out the comparisons of my two days to show that I just become bitter and feel jealous/guilty/etc when I do that. Those lists need to be thrown out the window. And I shouldn’t have to feel that way. No mom should. Those days just don’t compare. Being a mom is so much more than that. I’m glad we can have open and honest discussions like these as BFFs. We are both raising awesome human beings no matter how we do it. Heart you.

  • Reply
    Leslie McKeand
    October 11, 2013 at 10:07 am

    Having been both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom, I feel like I have a good grasp on comparing the two but only from my own personal perspective. What is true for me, may not be true for another. Would I like to stay home? Absolutely yes, many, many, many days. There are other days that I am so happy to go to work. My husband says I’m happier when I’m working rather than when I am not. But here is what really matters in this conversation. I try very hard to not judge other moms, whether they work outside of the home or if they stay home with their children. What makes me happy and fulfilled may make someone else miserable. Let’s not add to anyone’s misery and let’s figure out a way to lift each other up. I have friends that have jobs outside the home and I have friends that are happy being at home. None of them are wrong in the choice or the necessity. Do what makes you happy (if you can) and if you can’t (for those that want to stay home but need to work or vice versa), do what makes you the most happy. Happy mom + happy dad + happy child = happy family.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 11, 2013 at 11:27 am

      You’re right. Our comparisons of working vs. staying home are definitely different than from someone else’s. And you’re right – what may make one mom happy makes the other miserable. I, like you, stay away from judgement because every mom is doing the best they can. I’m all about lifting up! I agree with you 100%!

  • Reply
    Veronika
    October 11, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    I will be the first to admit that before I had a baby I did think being a SAHM is easier—I still do (for ME it would be easier)—but not because the work is easier. I would be less stressed if I stayed at home because I would not feel so anxious about balancing it all, being away from my baby, etc. Howerver, being a SAHM is not easier because it presents a whole unique set of challenges. I think for me, it would be easier, but that is not the case for everyone—and I feel I would be stressed about finances and the economy with just having one income, even if it was a good one (you just never know when someone could lose their job, etc). So again—different challenges. I think the wars would stop if people stopped wondering what SAHMs do all day (it’s hard work being with a baby 24/7) and if people stopped telling working moms that they don’t see their kids.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 12, 2013 at 5:16 pm

      You’re right. On paper, it looks easier for us because we have one baby, who is very easy to take care of. But parenting is hard no matter how you do it, whether it’s at home or only for a few hours. Having a job you love so much makes it easier to work, too (and I know you have an amazing job!). Even though we could probably swing me being a SAHM, we would have to make a lot of sacrifices and we want to feel comfortable. I think people just need to stop asking SAHMs what they do all day and where the WM’s babies are all day. I feel like people are always looking down on daycare, too. Kennedy goes to a MDO but I feel myself having to justify “well, it’s only a short day, they have a curriculum, and it’s at a church” etc. etc. But she is away in childcare. People look down on that too. So yeah, stop asking mothers what they do and where their children are.

  • Reply
    meghan @ little girl in the big world
    October 11, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    I’m not a mom, but I’m a teacher. I definitely read and wonder what opinions I’ll form on debates like this when we have kids one day. I know I will be working (because I want to and choose to, as it sounds you do as well), so it sounds like I’ll face the same issues and challenges as you during the summer/school year. I know I’m one to question what it must be like to “get to” stay home all day with your kid. I always seem people using phrases like work at home mom and not saying they don’t work, and I always find it so interesting. Thanks for writing this.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 12, 2013 at 5:11 pm

      Thanks for your comment! It’s weird… I thought I would want to work and make it work. I think physically having the baby changes your opinion on what you want to do. I would actually love to stay home, or at least have less after school responsibility at work. My husband and I are trying to make that work. Haha. I will say, though, being a teacher is the best profession for me if I have to work, simply because I do get to have SAHM status during the summer and I feel like I get to “catch up.”

  • Reply
    Mrs. Pancakes
    October 11, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    i ruminated over this on my blog too recently and it’s definitely a no win situation. we all have to do what we need to do for our families.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 12, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      Exactly – parents are (almost) always putting their children first. We have to do what is best for everyone!

  • Reply
    Lauren {Adventures in Flip Flops}
    October 11, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    Great post! Here’s the thing: everyone has their own needs, goals, and challenges. If my mom would have been a stay-at-home mom, she would have HATED it. Hated it. She loved us, and played with us, and was a fabulous mom, but she needed to get out of the house and have something completely unrelated to us. Other parents do not need that. None of it means that anyone loves their kids any less, or that anyone is a terrible parents. It’s life and in their own way, parents are all teaching their kids about life and choices and balance. ALL of them.

    It’s a personal decision that hinges on a lot of things including finances, personal beliefs and wishes, career goals, etc. It’s no one else’s business and no one should be criticizing. Parenting is hard without all the snide arguments about superiority and whatever else.

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 12, 2013 at 5:08 pm

      You’re definitely right- just because you want to be away from the home doesn’t make you a terrible parent. My mom was a working (and single!) mom who always seemed to be there for us when we needed her. Mothers just need to stop criticizing one another, no matter what! Thanks for your comment 🙂

  • Reply
    Megan {Willow Way Blog}
    October 12, 2013 at 9:23 am

    You’re right – this is such a polarizing topic! For me it really comes down to what works for the mom and her family, her finances, etc.. I think happy and satisfied moms are better moms and whatever helps them be fulfilled is what they should do! I’m a stay at home mom, love it, and think I work hard, but I completely respect my friends who are working moms and know they work hard too!

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 12, 2013 at 5:07 pm

      That’s an awesome way to look at it. Happy families are those that do parenting the way that gives them the most satisfaction. Thank you for your comment!

  • Reply
    Taylor
    October 12, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    Ah the eternal debate. I have done both also, I worked for about 8 months after my maternity leave (after I had Finn) and decided it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t be a working mom, I was so stressed out and I just wanted to be with my baby. I was a teacher too.

    And I want to chime in cause I think Katie is right. I think his point is how rude it was of those women to imply “Oh that must be nice!”. Here is my rant for the day :)… I have a very good friend who works and makes a lot of money, her husband also makes a lot of money. Like one of them makes waaay more than my entire family does! But anyway every time I talk to her she is like ” oh that must be so nice, how lucky for you”. And it makes me SO MAD! No its not “lucky”, my husband isn’t rolling in the dough! When I decided to stay home on paper we had absolutely no business cutting our salary like we did, we weren’t even going to be able to eat haha! So I cut out everything! I told my husband we would just have to sell our house and live in our car before I was going to go back to work and send my kid off to someone else all day! Extreme yes… he didnt even want to do it! But I was not compromising. Now I also want to say this is what is right for me! I don’t think everyone should stay home at all! Its not for everyone and neither is working. But my point it its not “lucky” its hard and it rough on our family, we make big sacrifices…. I drive a VAN, don’t pay for haircuts, I never buy clothes… in other words we make it work for us. I want to tell her if she wanted to stay home she doesnt have to live in a 6 bedroom home and both drive super nice brand new cars and drink starbucks everyday and have designer bags and get her nails done every week! (not that Im judging those things just making a point).

    Honestly I made a very hard decision for what I think is best for our family. I dont know how you working moms do it, I was alwasy guilty and stressed and I felt like I wasnt ever doing anything that great… just kind of getting by at everything and so I decided to pick and do one thing as best as I could.

    I also agree with your post, everyone should do what is best for them and their family! If someone wants to stay home then they should make it work and do it. If someone wants to work then good for them too, what a good role model for your baby to show them that women can do anything! And besides if everyone stayed home where would we find teachers?? haha The Point is dont judge!

    • Reply
      Meg O.
      October 12, 2013 at 5:06 pm

      Oh I TOTALLY agree that you have to make big sacrifices to stay home. I never implied that it would be cushy, because, well, it won’t! Living on one income is certainly hard! I should have addressed that in the post, because you definitely are right. I struggle with being away from the home so much. I don’t think it’s fair to ask any mother what she does all day and assume that it’s “easy”, no matter what the circumstances are. Yep- don’t judge, no matter what! You are an amazing mama and I really have so much respect for you! You’re able to raise those boys all the while being superwoman with your projects.

  • Reply
    Taylor
    October 12, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    thanks meg! you are a supermama too, I have no clue how you run your theatre shows, work, are a great mom and wife and run a successful blog! I mean seriously you are doing the work of 5 people haha! I think all parents do the best they can, we have good moments and bad moments and we are all trying! and hello raising a human being isn’t easy no matter what we do!

  • Reply
    Nichole C
    October 13, 2013 at 7:52 am

    So we don’t have kiddos yet, and when I read that same blog post I thought he said it well. I have no idea if I’ll be able to stay at home when we have a baby. I think if we did, it’d be tight but manageable but also sometimes I think daycare and schools can give and teach more than I could, you know? Anyways I am totally rambling, lol. My point is I agree. I think parenthood, any good parent feels guilty on either side, and I think whether it is a SAHM, or working one, everyone does what THEY need to do. Well said, Meg.

  • Reply
    Darby Hawley
    October 14, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    Obviously, I don’t fall into either category, but I loved this post. You speak so clear and unoffensive! Thank you for sharing your story so genuinely!

  • Reply
    Miranda
    October 16, 2013 at 12:10 am

    I’m really sick of the comparing. I am guilty of sharing that article on facebook, but I never compare it to a working mom. I pretty much am sick of people (not everyone) thinking that SAHMs don’t do anything all day. If you have a job, you are working but a lot of people still have this false belief that moms that stay at home sit around all day. That what bothers me the most.

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    Kim S.
    October 16, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    Well said, girl!!!

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    Christa
    October 16, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    Love this post. I’ve been arguing with myself the past few months (we are expecting our first) about what I’m going to do. I don’t know if my ego will be able to stand being “just” a stay-at-home mom – this is completely me being hard on myself, I know that SAHPs do an immense amount of work. But I love my job and I love my title and I love that I have a sense of purpose every day at the office. Of COURSE I would have a sense of purpose staying at home too, and I know I would feel immense guilt if I do go back to work, since my husband has basically given me the option, so it would just be my choice to leave my child to pursue my career. And on the other hand I know that if I do work, I’ll feel too guilty to ever leave the house to do things that are important to me (like running, etc). It’s like we can’t win! I wish someone would just answer for me.

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    Amy Stewart
    October 17, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    Meg, I loved this post. I also saw this blog post, and it made me so angry! I so feel like for every ‘snarky’ working professional mom that comments on the SAHM’s job, there is the SAHM that says “I could never let anyone else raise my child”.

    I appreciate what this guy has to say about his wife, but, I think that we should really applaud what ALL moms do — those at home AND those in the workplace.

    …and just because I work, doesn’t mean I don’t have all of the other responsibilities that go along with being a mom…pretty sure there is not a little elf that sneaks around my house cooking dinner, cleaning, reading books, giving baths, playing kitchen, making lunches, washing endless loads of laundry — in addition to grading, lesson planning, and teaching everyone else’s children (which you also know well).

    While I respect his wanting to stand up for his wife, or celebrate what she does, he kind of makes me feel like as a working mom I am chopped liver and not near as important as SAHMs. Anyway, just my two cents — glad you addressed this because like I said, it kind of made me angry. Let’s celebrate ALL moms — and really, all good PARENTS for that matter 🙂

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    Mandi @ All My Happy Endings
    November 6, 2013 at 10:42 am

    What a great post, Meg — and so eloquently written. Kudos to you for showing your support on both sides. I, myself, have also experienced some of each. While staying home was special on so many accounts, I have found that being a working mommy makes me a better mommy.

    With that said, I’m pregnant with baby #4, and it crosses my mind ever so often, with whether I would consider staying home again. My internal argument is that we’ve created a standard of living, and I am blinded by upholding those standards that I can’t even see the possibility of me staying home at this point in our lives.

    If the financial burden of one income wouldn’t affect our lifestyle so greatly, I think I would most definitely stay home. On the heels of that, however, I would make time for myself — with PTO and the various philanthropies we’re involved in. A happy medium, so to speak.

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