When I was a pretty young thing, I swore to myself I would be the coolest person ever as I aged. I was going to rock at being an adult and always feel young. I envisioned being a “cool mom” and always being stylish and fashionable. That all is debatable, now that I’m in my early thirties.
The reality is I’m totally a stereotypical 32-year-old.
Some days, I think back about the days of yore. I feel like the same person, but I guess I now have some added “quirks.” I taught high school for 8 years, and now I teach 6th graders. I also have 2 young children. I’m around young people all the time. I’d like to think it help keeps me young, but most of the time it makes me feel old. Even though I swore I would never age, it’s happening. I find myself disliking things I loved just ten years ago. (I say it like it’s not that long ago. OMG… that’s totally “old” of me.)
Things I Dislike in My 30s (That I Never Thought I Would):
LOW RISE JEANS. I can’t tell you how many pairs of low rise jeans I’ve owned in my young adulthood. I even still have some in my closet. Let me ask you this question – HAVE YOU PUT ON LOW RISE JEANS LATELY?! No ma’am. 22-year-old Meg circa 2005 is laughing at me. Well, you know what, 22-year-old Meg? You can take your Nokia 2610 and shove it.
SOUR CANDY. Sour Patch Kids and Warheads used to be my my lifeblood. It isn’t a movie at the theatre without Sour Patch Kids, right? Ew. No. Get that stuff away from me. If I am going to consume sugar, it better be in chocolate form. Even better, dark chocolate. (Crap, I am making myself sound even older.)
PARTYING ALL NIGHT LONG. I went to college. Enough said. Oftentimes, the evenings were just getting started at 11:00 P.M. Young Meg told herself she would always have fun. You know what is even better to do all night long now? SLEEP.
DONUTS. Basically I will have a complete carb/sugar crash if I eat a donut in the morning, so I avoid them at all costs. 22-year-old Meg is rolling her eyes at me right now. If she had an Instagram in 2004, she would be guilty of ‘gramming photos of her pink sprinkled donut atop her iced coffee.
CRASHING ON SOMEONE’S COUCH. Whether it’s from a late night out or traveling, crashing on someone’s couch isn’t a big deal when you’re 22. You wake up about 8 hours later and you’re as fresh as a daisy. Ha. Give me my king size bed, extra firm pillow, and the pillow that goes in between my knees. Bonus points if I have essential oils diffusing in the background.
PLUCKING MY EYEBROWS. Why in the world did I think it was a good idea to make my eyebrows as thin as possible? I don’t care what you say, 22-year-old Meg – you look ridiculous.
HAVING RESPONSIBILITIES. When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be an adult and do adult-like things. Have my own house, pay my own bills. HAHAHA. This is the biggest laugh of them all. You’re dumb, 22-year-old Meg. Enjoy mooching off of your parents while I pay my mortgage…. as I wait for the A/C maintenance man to show up… while two kids are fighting over hair elastics and “blessing” me with “holy water.” The budget excel spreadsheet needs to be updated, while I’m at it. Some days I want to throw in the towel and throw on this t-shirt.